I was born in fairbourne house, Rochester, kent England in the late 70s..I lived here on the 7th floor with my mother Annie Roseman, my brother and older sister.. There was quite a gap between us.10years or so..
I was to be named 'Silvana' (EEEEWWWW!) but luckily as my my bro kept teasing 'silvana banana!' mum thought better and named me after a famous ballerina.. Sonya lavinia Nina Roseman. 'Lavinia' was mums best friend at school and 'Nina' was my nans name( dads side)..
We lived there for a while then we moved to leeward road...best times of my young life were here.. There were marigolds and daisys in the garden.. and my school was opposite.We moved a hell of a lot when I was growing up.. My bro and sis left home/kicked out.. It was just the family way mum kicked us all out.. my time was coming too starting at 13 and a few days after my 17th bday twas my turn .(ill elaborate another time).. from Rochester we moved to Allhallows.. Again I loved it there and made friends! I also got my first taste of the Stage.. I played Cinderella. It was great and it lit a burning fire within me that has never gone out.. From here we went to Blaenau Ffestioniog, N Wales.. My only happy times were up a mountain with my dog 'Sally'.. Id stay up there exploring for hours and hours.. In wales because of my accent and being English in very welsh wales, I was bullied very, very, badly..At breaktime I would hide from the other children in the carpark.. Id usually get away with it, but not this one day in particular.. They saw me! I started to run! I was terrified like most days... there were three classes of children. And I think their parents had taught them to hate English people.. They were gaining on me, I went straight into a wall facefirst.. and the wall was that sharp stone that you get on gravestones.. I cut my nose and my head.. after this my cartilage on my nose grew and the scars on my head were more poignant as I grew up.(At 24 I had my nose reset as I had a white bone that stuck out in my nose.. I hated having my photo taken from the side until then..The scars are still on my nosr to this day and on my head also). That personal reminder of racism is reason enoughI will never set foot in Wales again.Its terribly to think somebody taught these children great hostility and hatred!). Sometimes they (the bullies) would get me and sometimes not.. It was never just one kid, it was 5 or more.. I never went into the playground ever.. That thought was too terrifying..They kept saying 'we are gonna hammer you after school..we will find you! You've got aids.. You English bitch, we hate you!' They even wrote 'slut' on my doorstep in chalk..I didn't know what that word meant as a child..
After I ran into the wall that day I spent the rest in hospital getting stitched up..Phew! at least I didn't have to stay at that school!! Happy days!. Even the teachers didn't like me either.. My mother would go to the school to try and discuss it.. Nothing was ever done..I always wondered why they hated me so much? All I wanted was to be their friend.. So I wouldn't get bullied in class the teacher put me into the library or 'special class' for children with learning probs-just so the class could be taught in welsh and I would be left alone.. in these 'special classes' were 2 other English girls who were as bright as a button.. still I didn't mind.. Eventually because of my crying/sobbing at being beaten up at 3o clock.The teacher started letting me home 5 mins early.. I ran all the way home so they couldn't get me..I was 10 years old.. And sobbed and prayed that we may come home soon.. after two years.. The longest 2 yrs ever.. We came home back to Kent..Before this lived briefly in Derbyshire with my Aunty and Uncle.. Back to Strood with another aunty, and then to Warren wood..I started at Warren Wood girls school..We moved again to Kings Avenue, and once again believe it or not...We ended up at Delce Road.. Something I have always wished for is a long term friendship. A childhood one,but we never stayed anywhere long enough.. And even though I have friends from school on Fb.. And I know lots of these people have grown together and become teenagers, had children and had memories.. I always wished I had somebody who has always been there.. And to be frank I don't count somebody as a friend if I don't see them.. fb is just an online chatroom/its not real is it?.. friendships take effort and time.. Even now as an adult (well most of the time!;) I miss having a female friend to call up or to go out with.. Since I don't like how women are psychologically programmed to look down on others and be in 'competition' with eachother I don't have any girlfriends.. One girlfriend in every 10 or so years..And in the past they have completely done me over by trying to steal boyfrends or try to outdo me in one way or another.. The whole bitchy 'my hairs better than hers! and! i' m prettier..Ooh shes put on weight/Im thinner than her hahaha!!''What crap!! I can honestly say I cannot fricken stand these sort of bitches! And I don't count myself as one of those.. I give compliments to women if they wearing a pretty dress even.. Because its something women seldom do to each other because this 'competition' with who got the biggest fake tits/lips I do not have time for.. I think we should be kind to eachother and not give that 'up and down look' at the woman next to you, followed the usual hair flick! I don't feel in competition with anybody.. But I get this all the time from those kind of 'im so beautiful girls' .. When in stark contrast they look horrendous! Too much mouth, makeup and not acting like a lady at all in a lot of cases! Deep down we all have hang ups about size, beauty or lack of-but really no need at all.. And a lot of women I have known like to manipulate men and play games with feelings.Use some guy for his money. I personally cant be this way.. No way. I couldn't live with myself..Too much hard work!!most best friends I have had have been men or gay men..Still as I say nobody seems to stay for the long haul..Maybe its me I don't know.. Or maybe its because my life isn't like other peoples? I don't want children EVER!!!.. I was against marriage too once..Iam not now.. And I don't care to own my own house.. I don't see it in the future at all..I am not phased because what society says you should do or want ..However, I do want some kind of security somehow.. I've never found this yet.. So many people are getting married, engaged or are just blissfully happy.. Its funny I thought i'd be on my 8th marriage by now like a movie star!But the way things actually pan out to how you had once dreamed are very different indeed.. As for relationships ive had long ones.. My first love was 6 years , a few 3 year ones and the last one nearly 4 years..And I don't want to financially carry somebody ever again.. Done that too many times.. And after a while good nature and because you love someone so very much taken for granted/expected.. If I should ever have a relationship again I hope I find somebody who is romantic.. id love a fairytale romance because I have kissed a few frogs! My next online blog/diary will be on my Dad.. Hope you enjoyed reading this latest offering.. Peace and love, Sonny XX
mum,cousins trevor (left) me in middle and angie on right -leeward road x
me (as a brunette!)now july 2014